Early on in my conversion, I encountered a stranger who I can only describe as either an angel or an internet troll in the flesh. I was about 17 when I accepted God’s call to take my faith seriously. Similar to how the Holy Spirit’s tongues of fire fell on the apostles at Pentecost, I felt like my faith was unstoppable.
Yeah… I’m being dramatic. I know. I was high on my faith, and I loved to show it. I wore Jesus t-shirts everywhere. On one occasion, I was walking with a friend in the local downtown area near where I lived. I wore a black shirt with an image of Jesus pointing to his sacred heart. I held my head up proud and without fear as if I were bulletproof.
On the other end of the sidewalk was a questionable-looking guy walking toward our direction. I’m being judgmental here, but he gave off the impression of a person who knows what jail looks like. He made eye contact with me when we were close enough. He saw my shirt and asked me, “Do you know Jesus?” Surprised by his question, I puffed up my chest and responded, “Of course I know him. He’s on my shirt.” I pointed to the image.
His eyes narrowed, then he said, “Jesus might be on your shirt, but is he in your heart?” I was already starting to fire back by saying, “Of course I do,” but he was already starting to walk away. I turned to keep making my way as well. I walked up the street with my friend before I could witness the stranger vanish into the crowd. The encounter didn’t offend me, but it did humble me. This encounter caused me to reflect on my faith. There is such a thing as knowing about God, but not really knowing him.
Some of us fall into this cycle where we are spectators in the spiritual life rather than participants. At the very least, we may attend mass on Christmas and Easter Sundays. We sit, stand, and kneel at the appropriate times. We make sure to have a rosary or Bible at least somewhere in the house. For those of us who like to dive deep into the faith, we might have a bookshelf lined with works from authors like St. John Paul II, G.K. Chesterton, or Bishop Robert Barron. We might even be involved with multiple groups at our home parish. We might go to mass every Sunday. Maybe we even go to daily mass or Latin mass. We do a lot in the name of God, right?
Well, there is a challenge in both examples the first example, we merely go through the motions, and occasionally our faith transforms into a cultural practice. We attend church because our parents raised us to do so. And, in order to not disappoint them, we go to church during the holidays. But what about Jesus? In this particular example, someone might argue, “He’s great and all, but he’s probably okay with me just praying from my bedroom.” There is no need to go to church every Sunday or join fellowship groups.”
In the second example, there may be a temptation to treat our faith like a checklist of things to do. Sure, a lot of the activities, like fellowship groups and Bible studies, are great opportunities to encounter Jesus. But being good or bad at managing our list of “Catholic errands” doesn’t dictate if we have a relationship with God. If anything, there is a danger of becoming too busy in our faith activities rather than benefitting from becoming closer to God. This underscores the potential for us to remain spectators in our faith, failing to truly experience God’s presence.
Imagine this: you’re in a public setting like a restaurant. When you’re ordering food, you interact with the cashier by telling them your order. Then you sit in the restaurant, and you’re sharing the same space with them. But you don’t know who they are. You don’t have a deep relationship with them because you haven’t asked them for any life updates. You haven’t spent intentional time with them; you haven’t heard what they have to say.
Sometimes we treat our relationship with God this way. We go to church, so we’re in God’s house. Then we ask him for things in our prayers like when we ask a cashier to take our order. When we participate in activities in church, we might be engaging in them, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we are building a deep relationship with God.
Sometimes we’re doing those activities to meet other people. Maybe your crush goes to a specific Bible study, so she’s the reason you’re there. Maybe you go to the church dance social because you like to dance and not because they start the night with prayer. Again, there’s nothing wrong with engaging in these activities because they’re enjoyable. Being surrounded by friends who share your faith and love for Jesus is great. But if we lose sight of the big picture, which is to know and love God, then we may become distant from him.
I think most practicing Catholics, including myself, try their best. However, our relationship with Jesus naturally fluctuates due to our human nature, leading us to occasionally encounter difficulties in simply understanding God. We’re social creatures, and like with any relationship, we have to be intentional about our relationship with Jesus. When we are not intentional with our earthly friends and family, we tend to grow apart. Jesus is always waiting for us and calling us, but it’s up to us to meet him.
If we look at scripture, we can see how God interacts with different people, and that can reflect how he calls us. In Exodus, God waits for Moses to notice him before calling him: “‘When the Lord saw that [Moses] turned aside to see, God called to him out of the bush, ‘Moses, Moses!’ And [Moses] said, ‘Here I am.’” (Exodus 3:3-4).
God wants us to pay attention to him. Like with Moses, he waits for us to give him our undivided attention. If we don’t give God intentional time with our prayer, we might miss the fact that he wants to go into deep conversation with us.
Similarly, the prophet Samuel at a young age experienced a similar encounter with God: 4The LORD called to Samuel, who answered, “Here I am.” He ran to Eli and said, “Here I am. You called me.” “I did not call you,” Eli answered. “Go back to sleep.” So he went back to sleep. Again the LORD called Samuel, who rose and went to Eli. “Here I am,” he said. “You called me.” But he answered, “I did not call you, my son. Go back to sleep.” Samuel did not yet recognize the LORD, since the word of the LORD had not yet been revealed to him. The LORD called Samuel again, for the third time. Getting up and going to Eli, he said, “Here I am. You called me.” Then Eli understood that the Lord was calling the youth. So he said to Samuel, “Go to sleep, and if you are called, reply, ‘Speak, LORD, for your servant is listening.’” When Samuel went to sleep in his place, the LORD came and stood there, calling out as before: Samuel, Samuel! Samuel answered, “Speak, for your servant is listening (1 Samuel 4-10).
Since Samuel has spent his whole life in the temple, one would assume he should be able to identify God calling him. Many of us have been like Samuel; we spend a large amount of time at church, in fellowship groups, volunteering, and maybe even participating in the liturgy. However, our lack of revelation may cause us to miss God’s call.
Again, there isn’t anything wrong with participating in any activities at church or studying theology deeply. It’s just especially important not to miss the point, which is to grow closer to God through these activities. These activities can be huge for our spiritual life. This is particularly true when we establish our identity in Christ and invoke the Holy Spirit. What I’ve gathered from my reflection on the passages from Exodus and 1 Samuel is that we have to be intentional in our spiritual journey and be open to hearing the Lord. It’s beneficial to have a spiritual director, who, like in Samuel’s case, was able to help him identify when God was speaking to him.
Regarding this subject, my spiritual director gave me some practical advice. To deepen one’s relationship with the Lord, there are several practical steps one can take. One can participate in daily mass, pray the rosary, and meditate on scripture for 15 minutes daily. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable in these forms of prayer, God reveals himself to us. Only then will we know him on a deeper level. So if anyone ever asks if we have Jesus in our hearts, we can wholeheartedly say yes.